Oxygen Jukebox

"Gloomy Sunday" Revisited

2010-09-06T03:42:00.001+02:00

One thing I have really been meaning to do for a long time is visit the little dive bar where the composer of the famous song Gloomy Sunday (Szomorú vasárnap) used to pound out tunes to pay the rent. (I wrote a bit about this piece of music and its connection to Hungary in my post "Ray Charles, A Vietnamese Girl, and a Hungarian Jew walk into a bar") I finally made it there last Sunday (of course I had to go on a Sunday) and while it wasn't completely gloomy, it was at least a little overcast.

Being there, I really felt like I was experiencing a piece of the past...I was the only person in the place and along with my latte I drank in the somber and antiquated atmosphere. The bar is called Kispipa (Little Pipe) and being there reminded me of the power of music in a rather strange way. As you can read in my previous post about this, the song Gloomy Sunday (known as the "Hungarian Suicide Song") is absolutely infamous for the mysterious power it is believed to wield over its listeners. This was the most famous song by its composer and it encapsulates the hopeless and dark feeling of the entire era.

And so it continues today... the strangely enticing power of this song has an energy that continues to provide a livelihood for a small group of waiters and kitchen staff who work at Kispipa, where it seems the only draw is the legacy of Gloomy Sunday. A painting of the song's composer is the most prominent thing in the place and it reminded me that a simple and honest sentiment, in whatever form, has a power and energy that can continue on for years, decades, and in rare cases, millenia. So, it was a strangely inspiring and unusual visit indeed. I recommend a quick listen to this piece of Hungarian history and a trip to this timeless place the next time you are in Budapest.

Around Town: Budapest II

2010-08-28T02:43:00.003+02:00

I spent the afternoon yesterday on "Castle Hill" in Buda where I, rather shamefully, haven't been in about a year. There is some amazing history up there: a plaque of Beethoven memorializing a concert he gave here in the year 1800, the castle that once housed the monarchs of Hungary (and still has the office of the President), the National Library (one of my stops), the National Art Gallery, and so much more...

Here is a sampling of the 200 or so pictures I took of what I found there:

the gate leading into the castle

a lion watching guard at the entrance of the Chain Bridge

a Hungarian soldier

this statue is awesome...you can't see it, but the testicles of the horse this guy is riding are a good luck charm for the local university students who go there and rub them before their final exams. They are polished to a bright sheen!

a snack I had at "Russzwurm," a confection shop that has been in Buda since 1827 and was a favorite of Empress CiCi

another Hungarian soldier


Saint Steven (Szent Istvan)who is credited with converting the people of the Carpathian basin to Christianity and unifying them as a single group of people creating modern Hungary.

Looking across the Danube on the Chain Bridge (Lanchid) towards the Four Seasons Gresham Palace. This was the first bridge to unite Buda and Pest which are on opposite sides of the river.

Really an inspiring place spend an afternoon.

Here are some related posts about sight-seeing in Budapest:
24 Hours I: The Thermals
24 Hours II: Grand Opera
24 Hours III: Sausage and Hard Alcohol
ba-dunk-a-dunk
Keeping up with the Eszterhazys

Around Town: Budapest

2010-08-25T01:33:00.001+02:00

I took a walk last night and this is what I discovered here in beautiful Budapest:


Saint Stephen's Cathedral in Downtown Budapest


a sculpture on the side of a post office

statue of a hero from Budapest's Heroes' Square

New Beginnings.... sort of...

2010-08-24T22:23:00.002+02:00

I am going to do something a little different with this blog, I thought it could be interesting to give you more of an insight into the total process of preparing, as well as performing the music I get to sing. I will continue to write about other things too, like travel and what it is like living my life as an opera singer, but my plan is to have a series of posts for each project that will show you some of the nuts and bolts, the inner-workings, as I prepare for several performances this season. I will try to include some video content and pictures, and while I wouldn't call myself a writer, I will do my best to keep it peppy and interesting. Oh, and please feel free to let me know what you think by leaving a comment here...more of something, less of something... I would love to hear from you!

What's coming up:

I am preparing a recital for a New York performance and competition in October, so I want to talk about how I am choosing repertoire as well as what goes into competing as a classical singer.

I will sing Handel's Orlando in Sacramento in November so I will talk about the role both vocally and psychologically and also traveling and the challenges of being your best when you are on the road.

Then I am headed to Budapest to make a recording of an oratorio by Caldara. I am very excited about this one, as I am sure you will see, and I thought I would talk about singing and recording a piece that hasn't been heard in over 200 years.

Then I am back in New York for Cavalli's Eliogabalo, a first for me with this composer so I am sure there will be lots of sparks flying across my synapses and plenty to write about when this project rolls around.

And I know I will indulge in some Texas style BBQ when I get to Fort Worth for Handel's Giulio Cesare in June of 2011. This is a big debut for me and I am excited to show you some of what I am doing to get ready, including some perhaps surprising things like working with a trainer to acquire a "Caesar Physique"!

And I will write about whatever else comes up that seems worth mentioning as life hits me.. so come along!

P.S. I have finally come around to joining the rest of the technological world and if you "tweet" you can find me on twitter at: rscotting

a vision in polka dots

2010-08-06T16:15:00.007+02:00

This interesting couple was staring down at me while I enjoyed a latte at one of my favorite coffee houses in Budapest, the Auguszt Cukraszda...I love the polka dots!

Book. Cover. That whole thing.

2010-08-05T05:14:00.004+02:00

Tonight I went to my gym at a very late hour. There is a large and very muscular guy who works at the counter from time to time and as we walked in he was playing loud adrenaline filled heavy metal music which he had cranked to an insane volume...the kind of thing you would expect at a gym filled with body-builder types, and he said, "just let me know if the music is too loud" as he bobbed his head to the beat. Of course we didn't say anything.

Later in the evening, at the end of the work-out and when he thought there was no one else around, at the same volume as before, he cranked impassioned classical music that he had deliberately chosen and he just sat still, in the dark, quietly listening to song after song...

It was, for me, a simple wake up call and a gentle reminder about assuming.

Gratitude

2010-07-31T13:54:00.005+02:00

It is easy to over look what is here and now. I find that as an artist who makes a living as a "freelancer," there is a constant need to think about what is coming up, making sure you have work for the future and that you are moving forward. As a result, it is so easy to live there, in the future, and lose sight of the present. It makes me feel detached and antsy so I decided I needed a way to pull myself back into the present moment and what I found is... gratitude. I take a moment each day to think of 13 unique things I am thankful for in that moment and it helps to re-frame my perspective and but me back into my life, as it is now, and aware of all the wonderful things that are making it rich and full. It helps me embrace what is and think less about what "should be," which is always dangerous. It's a simple idea that has made a huge difference in my perspective.

Mahler and Flip Flops

2010-07-26T19:51:00.005+02:00

I have been wondering why guys in Hungary go to the gym in flip flops and polo shirts...many off them, not just one guy who didn't get the memo. It seems neither stylish nor practical so I am at a loss.

Thought pieces:

Interesting ideas about choice and the differences between different cultures

Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen

Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen,
Mit der ich sonst viele Zeit verdorben,
Sie hat so lange nichts von mir vernommen,
Sie mag wohl glauben, ich sei gestorben!

Es ist mir auch gar nichts daran gelegen,
Ob sie mich für gestorben hält,
Ich kann auch gar nichts sagen dagegen,
Denn wirklich bin ich gestorben der Welt.

Ich bin gestorben dem Weltgetümmel,
Und ruh' in einem stillen Gebiet!
Ich leb' allein in meinem Himmel,
In meinem Lieben, in meinem Lied!
_________________________________

I am lost to the world
with which I used to waste so much time,
It has heard nothing from me for so long
that it may very well believe that I am dead!

It is of no consequence to me
Whether it thinks me dead;
I cannot deny it,
for I really am dead to the world.

I am dead to the world's tumult,
And I rest in a quiet realm!
I live alone in my heaven,
In my love and in my song!

Recital: #2 - Time to Delve and the New Music

2010-07-24T14:25:00.012+02:00

I learned about a concept recently from Twyla Tharp's book The Creative Habit (which I highly recommend). She talks about "reading archeologically"; which means working your way backward in time from whatever you are reading now in order to understand all of the influences that helped create the final work in your hands. I am trying to apply that concept to the recital I mentioned previously and as a result I am delving into not only "Amarilli mia bella" but also the introduction to the publication in which it is contained, le Nouve Musiche, where Caccini outlines his ideas about style and performance practice. It is the kind of thing you learn about in music history class but never really get the opportunity to fully explore, and it is a real luxury to have the time to do this... I am in heaven...just working on music, delving into details... it is exactly how I like to spend my time.

Recital: # 1 - A Picture of the Singer

2010-07-24T13:00:00.013+02:00

I have been preparing a recital program, which is something I haven't done in about a year, and I had forgotten what a pleasure it is to work on song repertoire. It is an opportunity to show something of yourself, more so than with opera where your job is to put on the clothes of someone else and understand them as fully as possible. With recital you do the same thing but you do it in miniature 2 or 3 minute segments about 25 times and when you add together all of those songs an interesting picture begins to emerge. A picture with a real sense of the performer's personality. With the recital I am working on now my goal was to have every song be one that I absolutely LOVED to sing! A sampling of what it includes: French troubadour songs from the 14th Century, some Italian Baroque arias, as well as contemporary Hungarian songs by Ligeti, a serene and melancholy set by Grieg, and one of my favorite pieces to perform, John Cage's "Wonderful Widow of Eighteen Springs"

Wonderful Widow of Eighteen Springs
text by James Joyce from Finnegan's Wake

night by silentsailing night. . .
Isobel. . .
wildwoods' eyes and primarose hair,
quietly,
all the woods so wild, in mauves of
moss and daphnedews,
how all so still she lay neath of the
whitethorn, child of tree,
like some losthappy leaf,
like blowing flower stilled,
as fain would she anon,
for soon again 'twil be,
win me, woo me, wed me,
ah weary me!
deeply,
Now evencalm lay sleeping; night
Isobel
Sister Isobel
Saintette Isobel
madame Isa
Veuve La belle

the challenge

2010-07-22T22:15:00.007+02:00

It has been three months and I realized I haven't had much to say on the old blog. I have been traveling to visit friends and family in Indiana and Colorado, which has been wonderful, and now I am back in Budapest where it is insanely hot...seriously...this is the kind of heat that kills old ladies. So, with all that moving around it has been hard to sit down and write much.

But enough with the excuses, I am going to do my best to rev-it-up and I will hope to post every day for the next month. Check back often and I will do my best to give you something worth reading...

In the meantime, here are some pictures I took on a morning walk around Margitsziget ("Margaret's Island" - the island that is in the middle of the city of Budapest on the Danube):

Mountain Air

2010-04-28T21:18:00.008+02:00

(notice that way off in the distance there is a castle on the hill)

I was fortunate enough to spend a week in Switzerland and Austria recently and some mountain air was just what the doctor ordered. I grew up in Colorado so the mountains are a familiar comfort and the crisp, fresh, pine-filled air is the same in the Swiss Alps as it is in the good ol' Rockies.

Second Circle

2010-04-03T01:15:00.001+02:00

I found this VERY interesting! Enjoy.

Endings

2010-03-24T13:44:00.014+01:00

This last weekend marked the final performances of Agrippina for me in Germany. It was with a medium sized opera house, so they work on the German fest system where many shows are running in repertory at the same time. A piece is staged and the first performances are done all together, but then it may not be rehearsed for a month (while the staff and singers of the opera house are working hard on learning and staging a different piece) and then another performance, and then another three weeks and another performance...etc. So that has been a frustrating aspect of this experience, I think it can work better with certain types of music, but not Handel with its complicated and plentiful recitatives and many details.

My goal with a role is to always try and go somewhere with it with every rehearsal and then with every performance, to really push myself to grow, and that can be difficult when you are trying to remember the words or where to exit because it has been four months since your last proper rehearsal. Working well in this way seems to be a skill that many German singers have developed, it is just what they are used to, but it is so far from the way I usually work.

There have also been many wonderful things about this time in Germany, like my ability to speak and communicate in German is MUCH better after spending about 2 1/2 months there full time and another 2 months there intermittently, I got to spend some wonderful, and relatively relaxing, time in a charming town in Germany (Neustrelitz), I ate some delicious and hearty meals and drank some excellent beer, I made some great friends and together on stage we received very appreciative and heartfelt applause after every performance... so we know the audiences liked our work... which is a big part of the whole thing.

But I have to say I am happy now to devote my full brain power to what is next... Vivaldi's opera il Tigrane in Budapest on April 9th and 10th. I'll be the one in the green tunic and crown.

Where music lives.

2010-02-28T11:18:00.000+01:00

I am not sure that I can clearly articulate this, but I will try...

Lately I have been thinking about inner space and the outer world and how the two are connected and interact with each other. By inner space I mean myself, my body, my thoughts, what is inside me and how I can control or allow it to be. I find so many interesting things are explored when I am singing. Almost everyday after a working session of a couple of hours I leave with a feeling of hard work accomplished, that wonderful sense of using all your abilities and rising again to the challenges set before you, and I also generally leave with my head swimming in new ideas about something... I find that if I can open and allow my mind to connect as directly as possible with my heart and my voice the sound I produce is easy and somehow not from me. But it is not an easy thing to allow that connection to happen, life has to be conducive to that kind of openness...you have to feel safe to open your heart and not worried about the million little tasks that can cloud your mind like paying your bills or what was said that upset you...focusing life in a way to access that openness is a skill that I have noticed the greatest artists have, they can call on some deep drive and purpose and energy that sits within them and they can channel all of their powers into performing and sharing themselves with an audience.

This is how inner and outer connect. If everything is in order, and able to be open and pure in the inner sense then it is possible for people to connect to that simple and real emotion, since that is what music really is, emotion contained in some notes. And that is an interesting subject too, I am singing lots of Baroque music and there is such a refinement about it, a hint of distance, the emotion is there but it is certainly not like the emotion one feels and connects with in Verdi or in Puccini (I would imagine), it is a different way of channeling and understanding those feelings and it has to be worked with in a little bit different way, or at least, one has to have a little different awareness about it. The courtly sarabonds and gigues of the Baroque, with their undercurrents of meaning and layers of delicate nuance, are very different than the Verismo of i Pagliacci. Anyway, just some ideas, I am always working to make sure that I am available to the act of making music, sometimes I find that open space, and other times I don't, and it is certainly an ongoing process of awareness and while it isn't possible to be "perfect" in this pursuit, what I can hope for is to more of the time allow my head and heart to go to that place where the music really lives.

One of many reasons why I enjoy being in Budapest...

2010-02-24T16:12:00.000+01:00

This is where I had a coffee the other day.

One of the reasons I have enjoyed being in Germany...

2010-02-24T16:10:00.000+01:00

Peace

2010-02-03T03:46:00.013+01:00

I have been thinking a lot about the idea of peace...

What it is to have that simple heart-centered feeling that, to me, is internal peace. Also, what to do when I feel that the world is moving at its typical fast pace, and I am being tugged at from many different directions, and it is hard to hang on to that feeling of "core". I travel with a few small things that bring with them the possibility for peace, and I try to create an atmosphere wherever I am on the road that puts me in the mind-set that is conducive to contemplation, and calm, open awareness.

So those items are:
a simple small brass bell - I often ring it in the morning and set an intention for the day as I listen to its fading cycles of sound. Sound is such an important part of what I do as a musician: listening to it, creating it, feeling it, and this simple act carries with it a rather profound connection to the Spiritual for me.
a small Buddha that with its solemn posture and open hand gesture reminds me to search for, and try to protect, my inner peace
a candle that I light while I write my morning journal pages
and I usually try to find fresh flowers, where ever I am, to remind me of the delicate, beautiful, unique, and daily changing nature of life (In Europe I think it is much more common to have flowers around the house, rather than just for special occasions, and so, they are often much cheaper. I bought a nice bundle of roses for about $2.50 at the grocery store last week!)

Sometimes I add to these things, but these are the basics, and they do a pretty good job of keeping my mind focused on what is important, and somehow keeping my mood a bit lighter at times when I am prone to loneliness. Their ritual and presence provides amazing comfort. These simple things help me to feel I have made home wherever I am, even if it is only for a couple of days, and that brings a tremendous sense of grounding that allows me to focus on what is at hand and hopefully helps me to be more available to the act of making music, and living life with depth and awareness.

Rock Star

2010-01-11T14:36:00.007+01:00

About two months ago I had some new photos taken and the whole experience made me feel a bit like a rock star... It was beyond time for an update and I thought I would have some fun with it, so I called around and found a young fashion photographer here in Budapest named Vivienne Balla. We had a great time shooting for about 7 hours in three different locations around Budapest. I felt so fancy and realized that the list of skills an opera singer has to have in their command is growing...add modeling to that already long list.

I will admit that I felt a bit out of sorts in front of the camera since it was a totally new experience for me, I was trying hard to remember the advice Tyra Banks has given many a contestant on America's Next Top Model, but I had a lot of fun too. The photographer has worked with some of the leading fashion magazines here in Budapest, so when she set things up for our photo shoot, she didn't mess around. We had a stylist who went to something like 10 different stores to bring in several "looks" for the shoot (my favorite was a beautiful Armani suit with a price tag of around $3,000! on loan for the day), we had a make-up artist, and in addition to the photographer, there was an assistant to help set up the lighting etc. It was quite a production and totally eye opening. The whole thing was a big learning experience for me and I think out of the many shots we took, we got some nice photos in the end, take a look:

and here you can find more about the photo shoot from the photographer.

From a Friend

2009-12-25T11:43:00.002+01:00

A friend shared this with me and I thought it was worth passing along. It was written by Fra Giovanni in 1513 as part of a letter he sent to his friend, the Countess Allagia Aldobrandeschi. Amazing how timeless these ideas are... enjoy and Happy Holidays!

"I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got, but there is much, very much that, while I cannot give it, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven!
No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness could we but see - and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by the covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there, the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Our joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty - beneath its covering - that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven.

Courage, then, to claim it, that is all. But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are all pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this time, I greet you. Not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you now and forever, the day breaks, and the shadows flee away."

Fresh Air

2009-12-22T11:41:00.007+01:00

While it is cold and the snow is falling outside here in Germany, it is warm and christmassy inside...pine bows are finally strewn about, and some make shift ornaments are up, I am here with my partner and it is very comfortable and filled with holiday cheer indeed.

Since I last wrote I have premiered a new show. It was a different experience for me, since we only had one and a half days of rehearsal, but this one was a semi-staged opera gala and I had done most of it before. One of the singers arrived the morning of the show and ran through her music once before hopping on stage, which sounds like a common occurrence here in Europe... Joyce DiDonato talks about her Vienna Staatsoper debut this season which she did with six hours of total rehearsal! I am a process oriented and collaborative kind of singer, I love to have time to allow the music and character to ask me questions and settle into my body and voice, but I took it in stride and, in fact, ended up having a great time! Because there wasn't a ton of rehearsal, I just told myself to have some fun with it. The performance had a very improvisatory feel and there was so much life in the characters, we all played off each other and just had a ball on stage, especially in the second half of the gala, which was all operetta music. I sang Orlofsky from "Die Fledermaus" and played it to the hilt, I relished in the perverted and strange nature of this character...it isn't often that I get to play such an oddity. So the entire experience was a nice breath of fresh air!

Happy Holidays!

Thank You Handel

2009-11-29T13:51:00.006+01:00

Things have been pretty busy here with our final days of rehearsal on stage and the opening of "Agrippina" last night (which I am happy to say was a big success!).

The part that I sing, Ottone, has unique challenges. He is the only honest character in this opera; he isn't concocting some sort of scheme to get a woman or steal the throne like the others, and his music reflects that. Handel was such a genius when it comes to portraying emotion in melody and supporting that with the orchestration. I am still blown away at every rehearsal, and now performance, as I am singing and I feel the music so deeply because of the way Handel wrote it. There are some incredible melodies that have been entrusted to me in this part and I am doing my best to dig deep, open my heart, and sing them with all that I can offer...the honesty that fits the character. I would give you specific examples of the moments that fill me with total gratitude every time I get to sing them, but with this part, there are too many to mention.

In this role it isn't about vocal fireworks, it is the opposite, it is about heart and feeling, making the most out of every beautiful note and filling the simple yet haunting music with meaning. I like this kind of challenge, it has been such a journey to explore the music on this level of deep emotion, and with this one, I really feel like I have done my job when I just allow myself to be an open channel for this inspired music.

So, in this Thanksgiving week, I am truly grateful for music and for my life as an artist, for the ways it challenges, encourages, teaches, inspires, and opens my heart.

Just Listen

2009-11-07T00:39:00.005+01:00

Inspiration really can come from anywhere; this is really unusual and interesting. I first saw it about a week ago and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I think I most admire the unique vision and the fact that these friends took a chance on an "odd-ball" idea that has now proven its ability to capture the imagination of audiences all over the world for more than 10 years. Music is everywhere around us if we just listen...

Here is the Vienna Vegetable Orchestra:

and here is a little more on how they create their instruments and the thoughts behind their music:

walking in the dark

2009-10-24T17:39:00.006+02:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about how we find our way. I was walking home from the theater here in Germany after rehearsal the other night and it was pitch black. I had to navigate through the park and my eyes were useless, so I set out on the gravel path and I felt the way with my feet. Walking slowly, and somehow feeling more aware and alive than usual, I noticed quickly when my foot had veered off the path and onto the grass. That is a lot like how I live my life, taking small steps, feeling if it is "right" and either continuing on in that direction or making a small correction. Always checking back in with myself to see how I feel about these little choices that lead, over time, to big directions in life.

Another thing has got me thinking. I left my glasses in the apartment the other morning as I set out for rehearsal and if I would have turned back to get them I would have been very late, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and "wing it." Things are still pretty fresh with this particular version of the Handel opera I am singing, so I was relying on my score quite a bit. But when I got to rehearsal and started to sing, unable to look at my music, I realized I really know this better than I thought I did. That I had actually been limiting myself by using the score as a crutch of sorts, a security blanket. I sang fine and made only a few small mistakes, but I was far better off without the music in my hand, it forced me to break through and trust myself and what I had learned. Why do we do that to ourselves? And, how often do I do this in other ways...I mean, limit myself because of fear and a desire for security? I think it is common to want to settle and feel comfortable with known entities rather than always continue on to new places where we feel unsure of ourselves and insecure...but that place of growth is were we learn as people and artists, and feel most alive with new stimulation and ideas.

I don't cook with a recipe and I realized I don't really live by one either. I consider myself a good cook, I generally put together some nice things that taste good. And I feel the same way about life; I am happy to not have everything mapped out, I think I would miss a lot of opportunity and interesting, perhaps unexpected, discoveries. If I did follow a recipe for living, perhaps I would end up being a perfectly executed tuna casserole...but what if I am meant to be a breast of duck with mango chutney...or some amazing dish that hasn't even been invented yet? I am happy to take things as they come, remain open to what ingredients look fresh and trust that in the end they will make a lovely dish of some sort.

I am sure you'll be happy to know (and had probably assumed) that I made it safely home through the park the other night, and I am now resolved to live more often without glasses or recipes.

Orlando: a journey or awareness

2009-09-26T23:30:00.004+02:00

I am in the middle of a couple of really interesting projects right now, Handel's Orlando is on the front burner, since we perform it here in Budapest on October 4th. It has been so much fun to uncover this character, to understand his psychological states and mood swings, his motivations and background, to feel the music become a part of me as I explore and find the way that my voice wants to sing it. As I open myself to knowing the depth of this crazed hero and then to find the way to reflect that understanding in my singing. It is incredible work.

I am at a place now with my singing where I feel that it is in unison with my life, or at least I have a sense that it can be. I may understand some insight or become somehow more aware by visiting a museum or noticing someone on the street, and that influences the way I sing. Also, I may finally find a way to sing that one note that has been giving me trouble, or understand my breathing in some new small and different way that influences how I relate to others in my daily life. It is somehow impossible to separate these things. Maybe that is why I tend to post more on this blog about my experiences outside of classical singing than I do on singing itself, I am learning there how to be a musician and artist as much as I am in the practice studio.

Maybe this idea isn't revolutionary, maybe reading it you are thinking "yup, I've known that for a long time" and I think I have as well, but somehow I now understand it differently, I feel that I am living it instead of just knowing it. I guess what I am really getting at is awareness, the idea that the way we do one thing is the way we do all things.

Autumn onset in Germany

2009-09-26T22:46:00.016+02:00

I just spent several days in Neustrelitz, Germany rehearsing an upcoming production of Handel's Agrippina. These are some of the pictures I took of this interesting lakeside town north of Berlin...

these are the gardens of the old castle (which unfortunately doesn't exist anymore),
and they are right outside the theater.

the old horse stables of the castle that now house part of the theater complex.

the view from my favorite dining spot on the lake where they serve fresh caught local fish
fried up with the head on and everything!

I will go back shortly, and this time I will be there for about 6 weeks, which I am really looking forward to...for now though, I am completely absorbed with Handel's Orlando, we go into orchestra rehearsals tomorrow here in Budapest and the performance is in a week. The challenges are so immense and exciting as Orlando plunges into the depths of insanity and back again, I can hardly wait to sing this role which requires so much dramatically and vocally, from the most internal and anguished soft singing to the most difficult outward and rage-filled anger aria I have ever learned. I sang all of Orlando's arias back-to-back about a week ago and I felt seriously schizophrenic, luckily, when singing the whole piece (including recitatives and other characters' bits), the pacing of his mental decline is a bit less steep. It should be really fun!

Heeah

2009-09-17T16:58:00.000+02:00

This puts a lot of things into perspective.

How the Hungarian "Makes Merry"

2009-09-17T15:51:00.004+02:00

Because it is a beautifully gloomy day here in Budapest, here is a wonderful sad song seems to suit the mood. There is a saying that "Hungarians makes merry by crying" ... and those aren't tears of joy... more like, there is always a lot to feel really sad about and not too much to be overjoyed with. It is one thing that binds the people together. Another is the art and culture of the nation, so here are both in one place:

Food, glorious food!

2009-09-17T15:07:00.007+02:00

This time in Budapest is so wonderful, the weather cools off a bit and it is very pleasant. You can get the most amazing things at the neighborhood fruit stand (butternut squash is finally in season!) and I am always amazed to walk away from that place with a bulging bag of fresh fruit and veggies for less than the cost of a Starbuck's coffee in the US. I am continually so impressed with the fact that you can buy your food from the guy who grows it, or at least only a step or two removed from that, and it still has dirt on it! I love that! It is so much more real to me than a little bag of chopped up, pre-rinsed, orange tinted carrot bites. My parents lived on a farm when they were growing up and because it has been such a large part of their lives and upbringing I think something like this wouldn't impress them much, they were used to it as a way of life for a long time. But for me, who has always eaten from the local megamart grocery store, the idea of truly fresh food is amazing. "Fresh" is a real word here, not just something printed on a package to make its contents look more appealing and buyable.

I am so inspired to cook things I would never think of if I were shopping at a Safeway; I am constantly making fresh soups (it's very Hungarian), and tonight I can't wait to broil and eat the root vegetables and squash I picked up yesterday along with a fresh butter lettuce and goat cheese salad. That's real nourishment. There are McDonald's in Budapest but the food there costs as much as going to a pretty nice local Hungarian restaurant and then you are eating something far more special and substantial... about $15 for a two person meal.

I think I am on this kick about food because I watched the movie "Food, Inc" a few weeks ago. It is so eye opening and I actually left thinking, "how can anything ever possibly change? It is so big and so complicated and so incredibly messed up..." But that is specifically the way food is made and distributed in America. In Budapest some things are a bit more simple and food is one of them. If you haven't seen "Food, Inc" it is out on video in about a month. Here is a preview:

Police State

2009-09-05T16:57:00.006+02:00

So today is the gay pride parade here in Budapest. I had thought about attending because I knew that last year there was some controversy surrounding the event (eggs were thrown and gay establishments in town were bombed) and I thought it would be important to show my support against such hatred. In the US I feel somewhat complacent about these sorts of parades since I feel that they won't really amount to much or be too important, as people may object but it wouldn't go so far as to get violent as it is basically about celebrating differences. I guess I feel that it doesn't really mean much as the real issues in the US are played out in courts of law, and that my energy would be better spent signing a petition...that is not the case here in Hungary. These demonstrations of solidarity are incredibly important.

What made me really consider attending the parade here is that an older gay couple I know said they went last year but were thinking about not going this time since eggs were rumored to be thrown again and they weren't sure if it was safe. (Apparently last year the police tried to stop the dissidents by saying, "Don't throw eggs at the faggots!" which gives you some small idea of the prevailing attitude). That made me realize that the egg throwers would win if everyone just stayed inside, and in a country where the houses are set fire to and people are killed for being different, there is a very real threat to not standing up, to not making your voice heard, if that happens then no change can ever come and the bigots will just gain power.

Ok, so after much consideration, I had good intentions but was pretty much just too lazy to attend (sad but true) I did however plan to go to a rehearsal to work on some music for an upcoming concert. I got half way to the music academy on the tram and had to get off and walk since the roads were blocked. I got closer to where the parade was set to take place and it was literally like some sort of police state...for blocks down as far as I could see there was a tall and thick metal fence blocking the street and behind it there were rows three-deep of police men in full-on riot gear with shields and helmets. Holy shit! I had no idea it would be like this since what I was expecting as "the enemy" was an old ultra patriotic Hungarian, perhaps somewhat cluelessly standing on the side lines with a dozen eggs and mumbling under his breath some sort of politically incorrect comment. Well, it turns out that with the current political situation here in Hungary (Jobbik and Fidesz), and in fact through-out many parts of Europe, where ultra radical right wing groups are gaining very real presence and power, the "egg throwers" are in actuality a much more scary threat.

I saw the parade go by from two full blocks away were the barricade was set up and I thought, "this would never happen in the US." It seemed so sad to me, parades are supposed to have such a celebratory feeling, but in this case it was far more political, an actual demonstration against hatred. To be honest, the fact that the parade was happening at all was a huge triumph, and that it had to happen completely removed from the public and hundreds of feet out of reach didn't matter so much as just the fact that it DID happen. Until two years ago this parade went off ever year for a decade without any altercation, but something deep and dark is brewing and I think it is inspired by the troubled economy and general desperation and discontentment of the people with 1.) politics (the former Prime Minster was forced to step down only months ago after a long and drawn out controversy and the new Prime Minister is largely not trusted and will also probably be out of office in a matter of months) and 2.) general quality of life, which opens the door for radical right-wing groups to rise to power. In this case and to my ear, the groups have a very similar ideology to WWII Nazi with focuses on gaining more land for Hungarians (Greater Hungary) and cleansing the population of Gypsies (Roma) and homosexuals to make Hungary strong again. What a huge step backwards for a place that has been known through-out much of history as being an open and accepting place for gays.

I got on the tram to go back home and there were two young neo-Nazi skin-heads next to me with the standard combat boots and German slogans tattooed across their bald heads...but they were Hungarian born and bred. One had a picture of "Greater Hungary" stitched to the back of his jacket and they spent the entire ride screaming out the window (all I could understand was the word "whore," which they said quite often). One stood up and screamed "Heil Hitler" as we rode past a main square here in Budapest that was full of marching lines of riot police. A little old decrepit woman sitting near them seemed utterly disgraced but she could do nothing except mutter under her breath, and I realized this is how people like this gain power...fear. They are boorish and stupid but nobody wants to say anything because they are also full of unpredictable rage and anger. For the first time in my life I could see how even when most everyone seems to disapprove of it, they could rise to power, and for just an instant I felt as if I were a part of one of the "old time" conflicts; WWII in Germany, the 1956 Revolution here in Hungary, Yugoslavia under Slobodan Milosevic, it doesn't matter which one. After the skin-heads got off to go and scream at some more "whores" and praise Hitler to anyone who would listen, a classic convertible car drove by with wedding ribbons streaming off it, horn a-honking, and a gay couple in the back. I realized that in a place like this, visibility for your equality is so important, so people have to go to extremes to be seen...on either side. I have never felt this need to be so visible, to make my voice heard as a political activist, to show that "I'm here and I'm queer, get used to it!" But after today I can see the importance, I can see the reason to risk personal danger for your cause and for the future, I can understand why just standing up and being counted is so important.

Sirens are blaring outside, and have been for a while as I have been typing, Lord knows what they are headed to squelch. I can't say for sure that I have a point with all of this, I just felt I needed to give voice to the reality here, as it is so far removed from the US situation where we are hopeful that a legal court will decide something in favor of equal rights. In America there is dislike, there is anger and even hatred for another's way of life, but these days it usually remains under the surface or behind closed doors. In Hungary, and other parts of Europe like the former East Germany, it is out of doors, loud, aggressive, and scary. It is easy to make ourselves believe that places like this no longer exist, that life has moved far beyond physical altercation and fear mongering, but I am here to say that it has not and that was proven to me in bold reality this afternoon. This is an issue that has gained visibility, support, and concern from many people worldwide, even including some celebrities from the United States, but I can only tell you tomorrow morning if it has made any difference...

Around Town

2009-09-04T17:05:00.010+02:00

just some random pictures from the last few days around Budapest:

Almost a year to the day from my first visit, I went back to the Museum of Applied Arts here in Budapest to see an exhibit related to time pieces in the Classical era...that wasn't really much to see, but I was struck again by the beauty of this turn-of-the-century Art Nouveau style building.

This is one of my favorite statues in Budapest, I walk by it often and always stop for a second to notice it.

And lastly, a picture of me with my teacher here in Budapest, Eva Marton. We are working on Handel's "Orlando" which I will sing here on October 4th.

T Shirts

2009-09-04T00:30:00.004+02:00

There is a funny thing here in Europe, people like to wear t-shirts that have English writing on them, even though they don't speak much, if any, of the language... it makes me giggle. Some examples:

"Yeah, I really am this hot" ... on a t-shirt, are you kidding me?

"Excuse me, I'm V.I.P."

"Shut up and blow" who knows what that could be talking about...

not related to language, but today I saw a shirt that had a huge picture of a baby head on it and the baby's face was all pierced to hell with actual metal rings in its nose and a neck collar of spikes...that was pretty awesome.

And my very favorite shirt, which I saw 6 months ago and have thought about a ridiculous number of times since (damn it, I wish I had taken a picture!), a bright pink woman's tank top that said, in red lettering "I ♥ boy parties and shopping". There are so many people I should buy that shirt for!

PS22

2009-08-29T05:41:00.009+02:00

I just found out about the PS22 Chorus and I spent the evening watching their videos. These are 5th graders from Staten Island and they are filled with such emotion, their voices are so strong. I was really moved thinking about the innocence in these children, how open their hearts are to feeling and how they understand things in a way that we spend a life time trying to reconnect with as we get older. They are unafraid to sing, no thoughts of looking "foolish," there is such joy there...it is contagious. Take a listen, I think this group of kids makes a pretty strong case for keeping music in public schools!

Back in Budapest

2009-08-25T13:55:00.003+02:00

I am back after a month of traveling all around the United States to catch up with friends and family in Chicago, Indiana, Colorado, New York, and Connecticut. It was a busy and wonderful trip. Life in Budapest is great for many reasons, but I can tend to feel somewhat isolated, so it was an important time for me to reconnect and soak up all the love.
Coming back to Hungary, I find that the simpler life and somewhat slower pace do me well. There are those times when you have to be "on", of course, but I also always really enjoy some time to think, and dream, and contemplate... and Budapest affords me that in spades...

E. E. Cummings

2009-07-19T18:07:00.002+02:00

seeker of truth

seeker of truth

follow no path
all paths lead where

truth is here

"it said Thursday..."

2009-07-18T17:49:00.005+02:00

for some reason, when something is faulty, the Hungarians have a certain saying to accompany its dysfunction... "it said Thursday." No one can explain to my why, but I kind of love it.

An example: If you tried to start your car but it wouldn't start... "the car said Thursday."

If anyone knows more, I would love to hear where this came from, and in the meantime I will keep asking around here in Budapest.

Door mats & enterprise

2009-06-25T00:07:00.004+02:00

So there is this scruffy looking guy at my local metro stop that cracks me up. Everyday he is there selling obviously worn and used door mats...welcome mats from the front doorsteps of people's houses. Of course he has stolen them, and there he is, plain as day trying to make a buck from nothing. I like to imagine the unavoidable time when someone says, "Hey, that's my door mat...you stole my door mat you jerk!"

My current infatuation...

2009-06-17T00:03:00.003+02:00

This is the Hungarian folk singer Agnes Herczku, singing Hazam Hazam (homeland, homeland) which is a Moldavian tune. The nearest I can tell, the instrument accompanying her is a Moldavian Lute. This piece casts a magical spell for me and I could listen to it for days...I have actually. I hope you like it.

Papa Haydn

2009-06-11T12:04:00.005+02:00

Last night I sang in a lovely concert of Haydn English songs...I know what your thinking, "Those boring little pieces." I thought the same thing. And doing all 14 of them in one evening as a concert program (I sang 7) ? I'd rather be stuck in line at the DMV, or cleaning my bathroom, or... but actually, they are so interesting. Really nice little pieces with a surprising amount of diversity. They hold their own with the songs of Mozart and Beethoven and there is a lot in them to flesh-out and satisfy my curiosity. They have been a fun challenge for the voice as well, learning to be expressive and communicate in these very transparent pieces is a nice detailed-work, filigree kind of an undertaking, after-all, this is not grand opera and so I had to find the way to sing them that works for my voice and brings a nice variation of colors to each song. They are full of depth, charm, and mystery. The audience loved the evening...they even did that "clap all in unison" thing they do here in Europe that means that want to hear more and we all made a nice toast to "Papa Haydn" with out palinka glasses at dinner afterward.

And now it is on to the next project which is a nice full recital program of varied music (Purcell, Handel oratorio arias, Beethoven, Bartok, Ligeti...) and it's coming up in two days (!).

Since it's Commencement Season...

2009-06-07T12:46:00.008+02:00

A nice bit of wisdom from Dolly Pardon...she talks about preparation, dreams, respecting yourself, and the town trollop.

and some vintage Dolly that is simple, poignant, and heart felt.

Long Live the Mangalica!

2009-06-03T01:33:00.004+02:00

I have become completely infatuated with this huge hairy Hungarian breed of pig that is known as the Mangalica. Aren't they just so cute? I have yet to see one in person, but there is a big festival here in Budapest in February with lots of pigs in various states of alivedness (piglets, full grown, some on spits over fires...), and you can bet your ass I am going to be there! They are a particularly lardy variety of pig, so apparently that makes them quite tastey. I wonder if they make goods pets?

Flicka Speaks

2009-06-02T01:32:00.002+02:00

Frederica Von Stade

I enjoyed watching this... it's an address from Frederica von Stade to the graduating class of the Cleveland Institute of Music. She gives some nice insight into the career of a musician.

A Cautionary Tale...

2009-05-28T00:01:00.006+02:00

When speaking Hungarian, one should take careful pains to not confuse the word sör (beer) with the word sors (fate/destiny)...not that I would know from first hand experience or anything...I'm just saying....

Mint

2009-05-24T21:07:00.004+02:00

This is an amazing resource if you are tracking your finances...

www.mint.com

Check it out.

2009-05-24T11:50:00.000+02:00

Here is the program for my upcoming recital in Budapest...lots of interesting music and I am going to give my Hungarian chops a working over! I am particularly infatuated with the last Ligeti set at the moment, these songs are incredible and I LOVE singing them...

Sok Szeretettel Meghívjuk

A Régi Zeneakadémia Kamaratermében tartandó dalestre

2009. június 13. (szombat) 18. órakor

Budapest, Vörösmarty utca 35. Kamaraterem

Randall Scotting

Countertenor

Gyökér Gabriella

zongora

Műsor:

Henry Purcell (1659-1695)

Full Fathom Five (from the Tempest,1695)

Fairest Isle (from King Arthur Z 628, 1691)

George Frederic Handel (1685-1759)

Arias from Oratorio: See she blushing..Hymen Haste (from Semele HWV 58, 1743)

O, Lord whose mercies numberless (from Saul HWv 53, 1738)

Franz Joseph Haydn (1732-1809)

English Songs, Hob.XXVIa (1794-1795)

Fidelity

She never told her love

The Spirit's Song

Liszt Ferenc (1811-1886)

Italian sonnets, S.270 (1883)

Benedetto sia il giorno

I'vidi in terra

Ludwig von Beethoven (1770-1827)

Adelaide Op.46 (1795-1796)

Bartók Béla (1881-1945)

Improvizációk Op.20 (1920)

Bartók Béla (1881-1945)

Magyar népdalok:

Elindultam szép hazámbul

Által mennék..

Nem messze van ide kis Margita

Farkas Ferenc (1905-2000)

Három kuruc dal (1958)

Balog Ádám nótája

Te vagy a legény

Csínom Palkó

Ligeti György (1923-2006)

Bagatelle from Musica Ricercata (no.3.)

Ligeti György (1923-2006)

Öt Arany-dal (1952)

Csalfa sugár

A legszebb virág

A csendes dalokból

A bujdosó

Az ördög elvitte a fináncot

Minden érdeklődőt várunk!

in praise of individuals

2009-05-23T14:27:00.006+02:00

I saw a man the other night riding his bicycle and singing loudly as he rode along... it made me happy. It reminded me of a time in life when we didn't have to care, we could just do what we felt, be what we were, without consequence. The community encouraged it in us when we were children, and now it seems the only way to commit such an act is if you are drunk (as the man on the bike might have been...), or you find a "proper" outlet on a stage somewhere. In most places, why does peer-pressure clamp down on such displays of joy and spontaneity? Are we as a people that fearful of being seen, noticed, paid attention to? There should be more singing in the world...

Goodbye Lorraine...

2009-05-23T12:43:00.002+02:00

This is one of my very favorite Handel clips...Lorraine Hunt Lieberson singing in Peter Sellar's staging of Theodora with William Christie conducting. Amazing art in every regard. This singer passed away almost three year ago now and while I knew her solely from her recordings, I am only now really able to accept her passing. She was such an artist and there is so much to admire. Her commitment and purity amaze me, it is like she really becomes a channel through which this amazing music, which she understood so viscerally, could speak its truth. I wonder how someone can be so free, so daring. There is a total surrender in her performing. She chose to do such important things with which she could really say something, and it seems that she worked with people who understood the art she wanted to create and were working for the same purpose. What if we all chose to only do the things that really mattered to us, that really said something to our artist souls, and then we presented them with the commitment and freedom from judgment that comes with the idea that it may be our last performance? How do we find that place that is so deep, that purpose that is so meaningful? With that kind of commitment art has the power to change humanity.

I am so sad to have never seen Lorraine Hunt Lieberson sing live, but I am so fortunate to have her recordings which I turn to often and with the greatest of respect. One can sense that creating music was a spiritual act for her, she is an inspiration in that she sang from her soul, I am so thankful for her gift!

Milk, Milk, Lemonade...

2009-05-18T15:11:00.000+02:00

So I realize I have been a bit out of touch...trust me, it wasn't just with this blog. I have been in Neustrelitz, Germany which is a wonderfully quiet town in the woods surrounded by a couple of lakes. I had planned to go there to sing in a production of Agrippina, but things changed a bit. The director of our Agrippina was in the hospital when staging was set to start so it was pushed off to the Autumn and the current show was changed to an opera gala...it feels a bit slippery that things can just switch-up like that, but hey, my mantra at the moment is "go with the flow". The gala opened a couple of days ago and we have two more performances coming up in May and I am happy to be singing a couple of Handel arias and the incredible duet from the end of Monteverdi's Poppea. My German is getting a lot better and I am enjoying the beer and schnitzel more than I probably should. I always like spending time in Germany, I kind of feel like I lived there in a past life or something.

My apartment in Neustrelitz was without internet...and an oven (I did have a stove top thank God!)... and...television(!) so I had lots of time to enjoy nature and reconnect with my thoughts. I also did a lot of work gathering and clarifying some of my ideas about Bartók, Ligeti, Kurtag and Hungarian Contemporary classical music in general in a paper and a video presentation that will follow here shortly. I started painting a bit and have made some grand plans for future performances that are on my "wish-list". Stay tuned...

Everybody Dance.

2009-05-11T02:28:00.001+02:00

A Room with a View 3

2009-04-30T15:49:00.004+02:00

Neustrelitz, Germany where I have been for the last couple of weeks rehearsing for an upcoming opera gala.

Home Again

2009-03-28T23:01:00.004+01:00

After trekking all over Germany for almost 2 weeks I was able to come home to Budapest for 4 days...it was so nice to be home and to ground and reconnect myelf with some familiar things: I had a lesson and some coachings, slept in my own bed, and basically just organized myself for the performances I have ahead, which felt great to get some of the details worked out in my mind and, at least a bit more clearly, be able to picture my short term future. Tomorrow I head back to Germany, this time to a town called Neustrelitz, where I will be singing Ottone in Handel's opera Agrippina. I learned this role about a year and half ago when I covered it at New York City Opera, and so I am anxious to step back into Ottone's shoes and see what new levels of understanding I can find in the music and the character. There is an added challenge in that this time around all the recitatives are in German and the arias are in Italian (I had done it all in Italian before), so there is some work to be done there. Also, I actually haven't received a score for the last half of the opera yet and rehearsals start on Monday (!), so that should be interesting. I am trying to remain zen about it...and now, I am off to pack.

A Room with a View 2

2009-03-23T19:00:00.000+01:00

Out my friend Sara's window in Regensburg, Germany. I stayed with her for a few days between auditions, the decals on the window are in honor of Saint Patrick's Day!

Birds in a Cage

2009-03-18T19:16:00.000+01:00

This is one of my favorite spots in Berlin...there are these interesting huge bird cages in an inner courtyard of a shopping area. The birds are all sorts of amazing colors and varieties and I love to visit them when I am in town. This time I grabbed a coffee on a cold day and sat and watched them through a window. I thought they must be freezing their little tails off out there...

I ran into this poor gal on the same afternoon...on display there without even so much as arms to cover her junk. Sad indeed.

Creativity

2009-03-14T06:37:00.000+01:00

This has been posted a few times on other blogs but I just thought it was too interesting and important to not also post it here. Enjoy.

Minnie Wrap-up

2009-03-12T08:18:00.004+01:00

We finished our run of shows in Minneapolis this last Sunday to much general celebration, but also sadness amongst the cast...we had a great time working on this very special show and I know the audiences loved it, but the show coming to an end meant we had to say good buy to the new friends we've made and put also the characters away we have now come to know so well. So these are always bittersweet occasions. Working for Minnesota Opera was wonderful, it is fun to see and be welcomed in to a company of people that obviously love what they do and are totally devoted to making the art of opera happen!
My parents made it out to see the show and it was great to see them, since I am not sure when I will be back in the United States at this point, there was a certain sense of gravitas when we said good bye this time...I guess they'll just have to come visit me in Europe! In addition to my parents, who are wonderfully supportive and have made it to many of my performances across the country, my aunt and uncle and a cousin from Minnesota were also able to see Pinocchio and it was nice to be able to share what I do with them.
Now I am in New York for a couple of days to catch up with friends and do an audition before heading back to Europe tomorrow. I am off to sing Hungarian folk songs in Berlin as part of the Berlin Fulbright Conference where many of the Fulbrighters from all over Europe will get together and share their experiences. I have to say, it will be nice to reconnect with all my friends from Budapest there and to get back into the swing of things with my Fulbright project.

It's the day of the show ya'll...kind of...

2009-03-04T13:14:00.000+01:00

Me in my Coachman garb. This is a fun character who rounds boys up and takes them to Funland where they all become donkeys.

And me as the fox. This guy runs around with his cat buddy and smoothly swindles Pinocchio out of all his money.

My thoughts 5 days ago before the show opened:
"Wow, a lot has happened in the last week and a half. We have finished rehearsals, and while the show is incredibly complicated, I think we are in a good place to open it tomorrow night(!)"

And now, 2 out of 5 performances are already under our belts and things have hit a certain comfortable stride. We can, in a very focused and alert kind of way, play a bit more with this show now that there are fewer new, and potentially disorienting, challenges being thrown our way. The audiences have loved it, gracing those of us on stage with a lot of laughter, applause, and a standing ovation for opening night. It is a very special show and I feel so fortunate to be a part of it. So all the hard work pays off, and while we are still very much focused on the show at hand, I am also starting to think about what comes next, and how I need to prepare to make that a success as well...

Feuerzangenbowle

2009-02-22T03:26:00.000+01:00

I wrote this a back in December and never got around to posting it. I just found it and thought I would share:

Things are getting cold here in Germany and that means... you guessed it...time for feuerzangenbowle!

Feuerzangenbowle is the title of a weird and wonderful movie from the 1940's (a classic here, a friend said, "It's like our Rocky Horror Picture Show.") about some nutty guys who drink out of a big bowl of hot mulled wine with flaming sugar and rum in it. There is a "sugar hat" cone that is soaked in rum and lit on fire that sits over the bowl and as the sugar from the cone melts, blue drops of flaming rum fall into the wine concoction below. Pretty cool. Check out the picture for a better idea of how it works. This is a special holiday-time tradition among Germans, and it is really fun and magical.

and here is a short clip from the movie...the leading man is in a music class and has no clue how to sing.

800 meter hurdles

2009-02-17T21:08:00.018+01:00

Today, I had only a short rehearsal in the evening...it was wonderful to be able to sleep in and have some time to accomplish all the things that inevitably get pushed off a bit. The show is coming together nicely as we are now able to run it in large sections. Beginning this process can really feel impossible at times, like there is just too much to complete and you have no idea how it will ever happen. But, I take a deep breath and remind myself rehearsal exists for this reason. As the music, staging, and character come together it is amazing to witness what you CAN do; all that the body and the mind are able to absorb and incorporate.
The composer and librettist are with us now in Minnesota and will be sitting in on some rehearsals. It is a real luxury to get their input and learn that our instincts often match up with their original intentions. We heard some laughs from them the other day in rehearsal (thankfully where laughs were meant to be), and that was a small relief. The process of singing in an opera like this feels a bit like doing the 800 meter hurdles in track and field. Jump... the first sing-through, jump... the first day of staging, jump... the first rehearsal with the orchestra... the first full run through in the rehearsal room... the first run on stage... the first run in costume... the first run with an audience at the dress rehearsal... and then the final dash towards opening night. But on top of this - all these little hurdles are at differing heights. They each bring with them their own challenges and different little set of nerves. Primarily, thoughts of "can I do it"; but with each little obstacle successfully conquered you gain momentum for the next, building speed to the finish-line-performances. A serving of self discovery always comes with the process - so with each new show a fresh opportunity to explore. I'm now realizing this is just one of the amazing rewards that comes with life as a singer and an artist!

The Run Around

2009-02-11T04:15:00.011+01:00

This is not a stand and sing kind of a show, not for my characters anyway. Almost every beat of music (perhaps a slight exaggeration, but only slight...) has some sort of movement choreographed.

My process is looking something like this at the moment in rehearsals:

grab the knife,
1,2,3, sing e flat to d (close interval)
run down stage left (not too far like before), sing, hand the knife to the cat,
and sing on 2
soft shoe routine: right, left, right left, kick, kick, limp,
sing, watch for cue, snap heads in, and sing, snap heads out
run, fake fall, sing, 2,3,4,
catch cane, "Field of Miracles" (this time on 1, not the and of 4),
jazz hand left, don't forget the cane, sing through gritted teeth,
sing, jazz hand right, thumbs up across stage, sing on 4
don't get the cane stuck in the slats, count bar of 3,
run up stage, pull open the hole in the floor, sing,
cross on "close your eyes", be tall and regal,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, sing
march with limp, don't move up stage until "father"
watch for cue, quick change to assassins, sing minor 3rd and tune with cat,
pervy move (not too far right), perfectly in time,
snap around by beat 2,
....etc...etc...etc...

It can be an incredibly challenging process with so much coming at you in such a short amount of time (we have 2 1/2 weeks to mount this very complicated show!) ... there is a lot to get under your belt. That is where it is at now, it is all a bit of a hodge-podge, but soon it will start to fit and make sense...it will take less mental energy and will be felt more innately, it always does, and with each rehearsal we will get closer to seeing a cohesive and entertaining show.

And for those of you that don't believe that singing opera is athletic, so far the totally sweat soaked shirt tally for rehearsals is 6 (in 5 days).

"Lost in Translation"

2009-02-07T03:59:00.007+01:00

Before leaving Budapest about a week ago, a Hungarian friend asked me if I would miss it there. The answer was yes, for many reasons. One that comes to mind just today; in Budapest I am relatively oblivious to many things. In a strange way I find it very peaceful to only speak a little Hungarian ... it means that when I see a billboard or a television commercial I am blissfully unaffected by its advertised message. My mind just doesn't take in a catchy little saying hawking a certain soap, potato chip, or automobile.
The same goes for overhearing needless conversations. When I boarded the plane from New York to Minnesota, I (and the 60 or so people around me) were forced to endure a conversation about "Adult Onset Colitus". In the moments before the plane took off we listened to an elderly man on his cell phone ask several leading questions about bloody stools. And, upon landing, we heard immediately from the other side of the plane "Oh, we just landed...yeah, I should be home by midnight...if I can get the car in time...I hope I can get enough sleep...should be ok... I have to be to work at 7 am..." blather blather blather. I am feeling a little overwhelmed by all this environmental noise coming in to my head. All that "sound-junk" out there is beginning to affect me in a way I never realized in the past. I suppose in a day or two I won't mind it so much and I will again click into a mode of numbness, but it's amazing for me now to realize just how much uninvited and useless sound-junk is forced upon us on a daily basis.

Settling In

2009-02-05T06:26:00.009+01:00

Well, we are official settled here in Minnesota and into the swing of things. We have already had two full days of music rehearsal and staging begins tomorrow. The show is going to be so much fun, it is not only a feast for the ears, but also for the eyes with clever and whimsical costumes and sets that really create a magical fable world for Pinocchio and his cohorts. There is a sense of excitement with this piece and I can't wait to tell you more about the process as things progress...
A few other tasks that come with a new home for the month: last night I joined a gym and I've located the nearest Whole Foods and stocked up on some groceries. The apartments here that the Minnesota Opera puts their artists in are pretty wonderful, huge and beautiful lofts less than a block away from the rehearsal space (which is really great when the weather is hovering around 0 degrees, as it has been for the last couple days).

Back in the States

2009-02-01T16:30:00.006+01:00

So we are here in New York for a day lay over to get used to the time change and deal with any jet lag before heading on to Minnesota and starting rehearsals the day after tomorrow. We had a wonderful breakfast (I had been craving Raisin Bran and a waffle with maple syrup, neither of which is very easy to find in Budapest...) and apparently the Super Bowl is this evening. Who knew? So, while I am not much of a sports enthusiast, it is the Super Bowl after all, so well watch it tonight with some chips and salsa and a good friend who lives in Astoria. I noticed on television over breakfast that the Red Bird Heads are playing the Number 49, that sounds like a good match up to me!

*** Correction: It looks like it is the Red Bird Heads against the Little Golden Triangles in the big game, I was mistaken....

losing sight

2009-01-26T23:48:00.007+01:00

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
~ Andre Gild

As I am getting ready to head away from home, here in Budapest, and back to the United States for about 5 weeks to sing with Minnesota Opera (in Jonathan Dove's fun and challenging opera the Adventures of Pinocchio) I find myself in an unusual place. I have had relative stability in Budapest, since I have been here now, basically without interruption, for 5 months (never mind the short trips to Barcelona, Germany, Italy, and New York...they were all a week or less). And now, Minnesota begins a spring of travel and work and that means being away from the comforts I have come to appreciate: sleeping in the same bed, being able to cook meals in my kitchen, regular work with a teacher and coach, and many other things... These months have been a time of very useful stability, self reflection, growth, and planning, and now I will have to try to find small ways to bring some steadiness to my "life on the road" as I spend time back and forth between Minnesota, Budapest, New York, Berlin, and Neustrelitz (Germany) in the next 4 months. Still, this year is not as busy as some in the past where I have been away from "home" for 8 to 10 months, and even that is still nothing compared to some with far busier schedules who literally spend only a couple of weeks a year at home. Still, I am thankful for my life as an artist, for the ways it challenges as well as fulfills me, the opportunities it provides me for self exploration and discovery, and for a future full of rich experiences and promise.

The Good Stuff...Turandot

2009-01-26T15:41:00.009+01:00

Dame Eva Turner, who premiered Turandot in many places around the world (she traveled with that head piece and wore it most of the time when she sang the role). The recording is very old, from the early 1900's, but you can hear that the voice is amazing...completely even throughout and so full in the top!

click here to listen to Eva Turner's "In Questa Reggia"

and my favorite Turandot from modern times, another Eva (this time Marton) in Zeffirelli's production from the MET with Domingo as Calaf:

and here's Birgit having a go (with Corelli as Calaf):

Hit the Ground Running

2009-01-19T15:07:00.003+01:00

With the arrival of a new year I have been thinking about new beginnings, things I am thankful for, and the future. I suppose that is nothing too new or unusual. I have hit the ground running in 2009 with a week in Barcelona already behind me and travel in the coming months to Minnesota (for the North American Premiere of Jonathan Dove's opera "the Adventures of Pinocchio"), a week in Berlin as part of the Fulbright's Berlin Conference, about a month and a half in Neustrelitz, Germany (to sing Ottone in Handel's "Agrippina") and many other things in the works. I hope to post regularly and let you know something about the challenges, as well as the successes, I will encounter, and let you in on a bit of the creative process. Budapest will be my home base and there is still much to learn and accomplish with my Fulbright project. So stay tuned...

Haiku in honor of my NY trip...

2008-12-15T16:23:00.000+01:00

In New York five days,
Whirlwind audition tour time-
catching up with friends

too, that's always fun.
went to "On the Town", loved it!
(thank you to Philip)

got to see Steve, talked
about music and life things,
it's always good times.

A special concert,
amazing heart connection,
very inspiring.

Met Earnest (the dog)
as in "The Importance of..."
sloppy-wonderful

finally, the pièce
de résistance involves pork...
in a puffy bun,

so sweet and sav'ry,
two stanzas worth, to be sure
all in all...great trip!

"The Playful Search for Beauty"

2008-12-11T17:23:00.009+01:00

Eva Zeisel was born in Budapest and has traveled the world. She is a ceramic artist and designer (though she would say she is a "maker of useful things") with a constantly changing and evolving style. She is now 102 years old and she has used her art as a vehicle to deepen her understanding of people and cultures. She explores with a never-ending curiosity, living in the moment and letting the principle of "the playful search for beauty" be her guide.

She was thrown in prison in the Soviet Union for 16 months (12 of them in solitary confinement) because the government believed she was a part of an attempt to assassinate Stalin. She is the first woman to have had a solo exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. She is a true example of living life to its fullest.

Here is an article about her from New York Magazine

Moved by Movement

2008-12-11T16:51:00.007+01:00

An amazingly beautiful and thought provoking 15 minutes. The connection of these two bodies and the easy with which they flow back and forth, the exchange of energy, and the free and open way that they connect is really inspiring. Such incredible displays of motion, balance, and control. The story they tell with their bodies is so complete and honest...

Locks, Lard, and a Lack of Lucidity

2008-12-11T02:40:00.009+01:00

It was several weeks ago now, but I had a wonderful trip to Pecs and Villány. Here is the trip in pictures:

Tivadar Kosztka Csontvary: an interesting Hungarian painter who lived from 1853-1919. He was a pharmacist until age 27 when he experienced a mystic vision telling him he would be a great painter. He was an eccentric schizophrenic who traveled the world and painted what he saw with his own unique Expressionist view-point. There is a nice museum full of his work in Pecs. This is his most famous piece, the Lonely Cedars.

This is me, with fellow Fulbrighters, after partaking in eight courses of wine.
Villány is a famous wine region in Hungary and we enjoyed a sampling in a somewhat damp, but charming, cellar. Along with the wine we ate some nice hearty winter food, meat, and fat (and just to avoid confusion, those are two separate items, not meat that was fatty).

About 10 years ago an interesting tradition was started in Pécs. Locks for lovers. Nobody knows why but a single lock showed up on this bit of fence with the names of two lovers written on it as a public symbol of their lasting commitment... now there are thousands.

December in Hungary is a bit of a different affair...

2008-12-11T00:45:00.000+01:00

Saint Mikulas (Nicholas) comes on the evening of December 5th, not Christmas Eve and he brings candy and fruit which he puts in a boot that is placed on the windowsill... a bit different than the sock on the fireplace. If you are bad, you get coal from a guy named Krampusz who is described as being the size of a child and covered in black hair with horns. Oh, and Krampusz runs around with a bundle of sticks that he smacks kids with too, I love that part...

Then on December 13th there is an event that fascinates me. The name of the day is "Luca Day" (Lucia in English) and on this day each village traditionally works together to start making a three legged stool that is composed of 11 different kinds of wood. They add one piece made of a different kind of wood each day until Christmas Eve when the stool must be finished, because it is brought to midnight mass. The person who stands on the stool at the back of the church can look over the crowd and see who of the congregation are actually witches. Then when the witches notice the stool-stander, as they always do you know, they chase after the poor soul...luckily the stool-stander brings a bag of poppy seed which they throw in the street to distract the witches who have no choice but to pick up the seeds (I don't really understand that part and nobody can seem to explain to my why the witches love poppy seeds so much...). This all sounds a bit crazy, until you start to think about the American tradition of Santa visiting every child's house in one evening, in a slay guided by a reindeer with a bright red nose, and he pops down every chimney to leave presents...you have to admit, that's a little cooky also.

On Christmas Eve it is not Santa (he already came earlier in December) that brings presents to put under the tree, but rather, the little baby Jesus (not sure how a little baby can carry all those presents with his tiny little arms, but alas, he does...). Trees don't go up in the house until Christmas Eve and are left up for about a month, and most families have advent wreaths in the house from early December onward, so the house smells all piney and good for a couple of months.

A Little Pick Me Up: Women Creating Ecstatic Art

2008-12-08T01:27:00.001+01:00

Enjoy!

Cathy Berberian sings Luciano Berio's Sequenza III. This was truly pioneering and I think the virtuosity and range of emotion and sounds is incredibly moving to hear.

"Music is the air I breathe and the planet I inhabit. The only way I can pay my debt to music is by bringing it to others, with all my love."
- Cathy Berberian

Meredith Monk, a pioneer in the field of multi genre performance art. She incorporates film, dance, improvisation, music, theater, and whatever else can be used to communicate her truth.

ba dunk-a-dunk

2008-12-06T01:48:00.017+01:00

Today was very nice...we spent it on a tour of the Parliament building (probably the most noticeable building in Budapest with its Gothic design and prominent vantage point on the bank of the Danube) where we saw the crown of Saint Stephen (István). The crown dates to about 1,000 years ago and was held for safe keeping in the United States (in Fort Knox) during the Communist era. Nobody knows why the little cross is all bent up on top...

and at the Museum of Ethnography which has exhibits about the peasant life and folk arts in Hungary. Here are a couple of young girls dressed up for a special occasion...apparently it was very becoming to accentuate a large ass with the shape of the dress, it made the girls seem fertile and thus, or course, more desirable.

And afterward we enjoyed a nice dinner which included retes, a type of Hungarian strudel (my third of the day, I have to honestly admit) and forralt bor, hot mulled wine.

in a Basket from Heaven

2008-11-08T00:58:00.000+01:00

I finally ventured in to the library of the Music Academy, something I have wanted to do for a while now, but I couldn't find it... the Liszt Ferenc Academy is a wonderfully strange old building with lots of rooms in different corridors, a bit like some odd old mansion. I found a few books that I wanted and after lots of pointing back and forth I deduced that I was supposed to give written slips with my requests for books on them to a woman who was sitting above the entrance. She was positioned arms distance up from me on a metal scaffold and I was just able to hand the slips up to her. I Expected to receive my books right away but was informed that they are, in fact, only given out every half hour. So I waited... eventually, my books were lowered to me... in a wicker basket... that was attached to a rope! It made me smile so I thought I would share it, certainly a different way of doing things than I was used to!

"Pro Patria"

2008-11-03T22:08:00.006+01:00

Meet Gyula, a young Hungarian soldier of barely 20 who died for his country in the first World War. November 1st was All Saints Day here and that means that most of the families honor the spirits of their ancestors by going to the cemetery at sundown and placing flowers and candles on graves. It is quite a sight to see the place all lit up with candles as far as the eye can see and hundreds of people strolling about. There is something nice about this sort of collective experience that honors and remembers ancestors in a such a somber and positive way.

We went to experience this Eastern European tradition and took some flowers with us for a grave that had been neglected...thus my introduction to Guyla whose gravestone was simple and said "pro patria". I imagine most of his family has died or forgotten about him, since he has been here in this spot since 1916. It felt good to honor him and the life he lived for his country and I am sure I will think of him often in the future...

A Day of Courage, Conscience, and Triumph

2008-10-23T15:39:00.016+02:00

"October 23, 1956, is a day that will live forever in the annals of free men and nations. It was a day of courage, conscience and triumph. No other day since history began has shown more clearly the eternal unquenchability of man's desire to be free, whatever the odds against success, whatever the sacrifice required."
- American President John F. Kennedy,
(on the first anniversary of the Hungarian Revolution)

Why was Time Magazine's Man of the Year for 1956 a Hungarian Freedom Fighter?

This day in 1956 is monumental in Hungarian history. A spontaneous student uprising in Budapest against Soviet oppression caused a huge rebellion that gained momentum and spread throughout Hungary. People took up arms and went into the streets to fight for freedom, and they were successful, forcing Soviet troops to retreat. After more than two weeks of fighting and bloodshed (25,000 people were killed in the revolt), Soviet troops reinstated their power. Talking about the uprising was forbidden for nearly 30 years and in 1989, after the fall of Communism, October 23rd was named a national holiday here.

This is such a powerful sign of humankind's need to stand up against oppression. I can hardly imagine what it must have been like, how unhappy people must have been, how joined in frustration and misery the people had to be to take up arms together and fight in the streets.

This day is an important and emotionally charged one, and in recent years here in Budapest uprisings and revolts observing the holiday have turned violent. There are 18 officially registered demonstrations expected to happen all over the city during the two day holiday. Here is a sampling of the types of political and social groups that are organizing the rallies:

Hungarian Prime Minister's Office
Europe - Hungarian Freedom Fighter Association
Hungarian Justice and Life Party
Hungarian Green Party
System-Changing Forum
Hungarian Self-Defense Movement
Worldwide Association of Hungarians

Perhaps needless to say, we have decided to observe the holiday in our apartment rather than venturing out into the streets...

Hello as Goodbye

2008-10-22T21:00:00.004+02:00

One thing I swear I will never get used to here is the word "hello" (more appropriately "hallo" in Hungarian). In Hungarian this word is both a greeting and a parting salutation. I am certainly used to hearing "hello" as you start an interaction with someone, but after you are finished talking and ready to walk away hearing "hello" again is so strange! It always makes me feel like I forgot something and the person is trying to get my attention, so I turn around in a semi-panic only to realize they were, in-fact, ending the conversation. I inevitably have to try and play it cool and act like there was a different reason I swung around in a hurry. It's just a funny thing to me, that's all...

24 Hours III: Sausage and Hard Alcohol

2008-10-22T03:14:00.002+02:00

This was the setting on castle hill in Buda for one of many festivals held during the year...this particular one was in honor of sausage and the Hungarian hard alcohol of choice, pálinka. After paying a modest sum you are given a glass and some tickets and sent to wander free among the many sampling booths, and sample we did!

Sampling Sarah. I think she is sniffing my favorite variety Mézes Barack flavored pálinka ("honey peach" - the honey helps take away some of that rubbing alcohol sting)

It looks rather unassuming but at 40-50 percent alcohol content, this little glass packs a punch!

Here was the view from the perch we claimed as ours.

A happy trio.

with big plates of sausage...

And our day at the festival ended with this delectable little sweet. I somewhat crudely call it a "donut tube" but in fact it is an old Transylvanian desert named Kürtöskalács originally made from the scraps of left-over bread dough and cooked over coals.

I have to thank Robyn for all these great pictures which I snagged from Facebook...

24 Hours II: Grand Opera

2008-10-22T02:31:00.001+02:00

Then Saturday morning was a matinee performance of Bánk bán. There is much to say about this very important piece of Hungarian music (every Hungarian school kid learns about the opera and can probably sing a few lines of the most famous aria Hazzam, hazzam). I found the experience of going to the opera house here to really be something special. Our seats were in boxes that included a sofa at the back so if you felt like gossiping with your best girlfriend during a boring bit of the music, you certainly could. One could also fix their hair in the large mirror attached to the wall in front of the sofa.

While the budget for the company has probably been more padded in years past, you can still see that Grand Opera is alive and well here. Every big opera "trick" in the book was put into use:

* throwing a glass of wine in someone’s face

* a fainting diva

* actions such as walking, waving, or putting money in someone's hand being precisely timed to the orchestral music

* tableaus after scenes (where the curtain closes on an act only to open again for a brief moment while all the singers remain in a posed position to leave a beautiful and thoughtful image in the mind of the audience)

* bows after each act instead of just at the end of the opera

* a complete halting of the action with clapping after a particularly rousing aria

* a diva's mad scene where she dances in her nightgown with tussled hair and then jumps into an imaginary river killing herself

* an on stage violinist to serenade for a few minutes

* an on stage flautist to set the scene for a boggy swamp

All of these conventions harken back to a day when divas were larger than life, and opera was "park-and-bark" - meaning it was all about the singing.

There was a full house for this Saturday afternoon matinee and the crowd was truly enthusiastic - clapping vigorously and all in unison (which is apparently a thing they do here in Hungary to show they like it, but it strikes me as something Americans might encounter at a football game rather than an opera house). I was amazed to see such support for this historical opera, I don't think the same thing exists in America, at least not enjoying this kind of adamant crowd.

The opera itself was really something special and it is only possible to see it here in Hungary. The orchestra played folk music inspired tunes including an entire interlude that was in Csardas form. The staging included folk dance and the orchestra included a very typical Hungarian folk instrument called the Cimbalum (similar to a hammer dulcimer) which was featured prominently for an entire act.

24 Hours I: The Thermals

2008-10-22T02:01:00.001+02:00

This past weekend was action packed. Friday night a group of us finally made it to the famous thermal bathes here in Budapest. The Rudas bathes have night swimming until 4am so we took a dip there until the wee hours. Everything everyone says about the bathes is true, the stench of sulfur is strong and the Rudas has been around since the 1500's so you can guess that it might seem a little...well, dingy. But, if you don't go with a romantic idea of what it is and instead just decide to enjoy an experience with a surprisingly large amount of people for that hour (many of them young who seemed to pop-in before a night of clubbing) then it is also charming and a piece of living history. I was not let down. And apparently, they also show movies in there sometimes so you can sit in the hot water and enjoy a flick....

Autumn leaves are falling

2008-10-13T22:59:00.000+02:00

It may not look like much, but this little flower has been a source of contemplation for me for the last couple of weeks. As things have begun to turn cold here in Bupapest and leaves are turning brown and falling off trees, this little geranium in the courtyard in front of my apartment has flowered from nothing and is now in full bloom in spite of the weather. I have noticed it several times a day and delighted in its defiance.

And on the topic of Autumn in Hungary, the famous song Autumn Leaves was written by a Hungarian composer named Joseph Kosma who trained at the Liszt Ferenc Academy in Budapest and later emigrated to Paris. It seems the Hungarians have a real knack for the sad song... since we all know the Edith Piaf version, here is something a little different, this is Yves Montand.

Some Random Goodness to Know About...

2008-09-30T08:12:00.000+02:00

Just a few things I have been thinking about and been influenced by lately:

* Noah and the Whale: A folk influenced band from England. This is "5 Years Time", so feel goody (their other songs are quite sad and poignant). I love them:

* The Rite of Spring: A recreation by the Joffrey Ballet of the original performance as conceived by Stravinsky and Nijinsky...so this is what people would have been rioting over in 1913 when the piece premiered in France. Watching it, it is hard to believe it is nearly 100 years old. (2:48 is where the choreography starts). "The music is widely acknowledged as one of the greatest, most influential, and reproduced compositions in history. It is iconic for 20th century classical or avant garde European music, with innovative complex rhythmic structures, timbres, and use of dissonance. The scandal of a riot at its 1913 premier, caused by its innovative technique and content, made it one of the most internationally well known and controversial works in performance history."

* Kodaly: solo violoncello sonata played by Janos Starker: Originally deemed impossible to play - Starker built himself a swimming pool with the royalties from this piece that he supposedly swims in every morning, though maybe not anymore cause he's in his mid 80's. Here is also an interesting article where Starker talks about music and teaching.

Ray Charles, a Vietnamese Girl, and a Hungarian Jew Walk Into a Bar...

2008-09-26T21:47:00.000+02:00

While searching for examples of Hungarian folk songs I came across something interesting....the Hungarian Suicide Song. The actual title of the song in Hungarian is Szomorú vasárnap (Gloomy Sunday) and the lyrics talk of the untimely death of a loved one and the singer's contemplation of suicide. Composed in 1933 by the Hungarian Jew Rezső Seress (pictured), this song has become incredibly famous...or rather infamous.

Though depressing, this work has captured the imagination of countless artists and been recorded dozens of times since the 1930's by such notables as: Billy Holiday, the Kronos String Quartet, Branford Marsalis, Sarah Brightman, Björk, Sarah McLachlan, Sinéad O'Connor, Elvis Costello, Ray Charles, Mel Tormé, and the famous African-American operatic bass Paul Robeson. It has also inspired several movies and novels, and is mentioned in the poetry of Charles Bukowski. In addition, it has been performed in many languages including Vietnamese.

Why so much interest in this old song? The urban myth, partly propagated by an intentional marketing campaign, says that anyone who listens to it all the way through will commit suicide (I can confirm that it is, in fact, an urban myth after perhaps 14 hearings to date, as well as playing it for all my guests at a dinner party). The myth came about in part because Seress, who was taken for forced labor during WWII but survived the Holocaust, actually committed suicide by jumping out of his apartment window in Budapest at age 68.

It is not unfounded, nor particularly surprising that there would be a Hungarian suicide song, Hungary has one of the highest rates of suicide (and alcoholism) in the world. The depth of emotion and the complicated experience of the people in this country is multifaceted, and it is palpable in every aspect of society.

I think there is something incredibly poignant about this song - it is a real testament to the power of music to make us feel...sometimes perhaps too deeply and also perhaps the things we may want to avoid. The simple heartfelt beauty of Gloomy Sunday is something I admire along with its ability to truthfully capture the honesty of enduring difficult times in history, as well as in one's own life. Take a listen and experience it for yourself, but if you are superstitious at all, be sure to stop it a few seconds from the end....

Here is the original Hungarian version:

and here is Billie Holiday's famous take on it: